the tutorial

One will seldom go wrong if one attributes extreme actions to vanity, average ones to habit, and petty ones to fear. (Friedrich Nietzsche)

The quote from Nietzsche was at the top of the first of many peer-reviewed journal articles I’ve been reading, and I think it interestingly speaks to my education.

I’m not sure if it’s vanity or fear that drives me to do my work. I’m not sure if my work is an extreme effort because I think I can achieve great things or if it’s simply excessive concern for what amounts, and perhaps will amount, to nothing. Either way, I push on.

Tutorials

For part-time students, such as my compatriots and myself in the OPUS program, our term grades are based on our tutorials. For each tutorial we prepare a paper between six and ten pages long based on a reading list that literally cannot be exhausted provided by our tutors. We theoretically draw from the  centuries of wisdom that inform the prompt, which is certainly above our heads, as we write. Each essay necessarily our magnum opus. We then submit the essay to the professor, often 24 hours in advance to give them adequate time to thrash our attempt at ideas. At the tutorial, we meet one-on-one to defend our paper. Sometimes the professor lectures for a while on some related material.
So far, everyone has done fairly well, according to the professors. However, those same professors duly note their awareness that we are not real Oxford students (they still say they grade us the same way they do Oxford students, which perhaps does not bode well for our GPAs).
We have a primary tutorial and a secondary tutorial. The primaries are more intense and last a bit longer (mine lasts seven weeks, so seven sessions and seven essays). The secondary tutorials are less intense and shorter (mine lasts four weeks, but my tutor is shooting for five essays). Note the [intended] total of 12 tutorials— everyone ends up with 12 but some go eight and four or six and six.

The ethos is entirely different, however. The point is to learn how to think alongside depth of knowledge rather than just cover breadth of knowledge as in the states. I don’t know how well this works as I’ve only had a couple tutorials, but I’m excited for retrospective recognition of progress.

My days look something like wakeupeatbreakfast  read  for  three  hours  eatlunchwalkintotownfindaspotinthelibrary  read  for  four  hours  getgrocerieswalkhomemakedinnerfallasleep. Sometimes the three hour reading turns to writing, and on Mondays I stay home and write from 9-5.

Things:
Mailboxes are lovingly termed pigeon holes.

The lunch served by my college's cafeteria the other day was, among other choices, lamb roasted with seasoned vegetables and potatoes with a side of fresh (more or less) green beans. It was excellent. What's more, this cost £3, or  about $5. I'm not missing APU's cafeteria.

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations
in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

On Education

            Somewhere in Kanye West’s discography, surely within his trifecta of albums commenting on education, he talks about how foolish it is to pursue education. Instead, it makes most sense to make as much money as fast as possible because that pays off now.

Unfortunately, we’re not all Kanye West. Our priorities can’t mirror his circumstances.

            I certainly do find myself thinking about how foolish it is to expend such a raft of time and energy on something like education when, in the end, it is merely a circular progression. Scholars learn so that they may perhaps add a bit to the material being taught, which they teach to the next generation before they die. It is progression toward nothing in particular lest the collective mind, or the process, is deified (in which case it is a theosis of sorts). For those who are not professional scholars, they spend the money to be told what to think so they can regurgitate that thinking in the civil sector in order to be paid enough to pay off their debt from that education.
            I think it’s important to realize that the majority of the American education system is an exercise in the “liberal arts.” This designation refers to the seminal education of the hyper-wealthy who were free to study that birthed education as it is practiced today. Today, it is our immense wealth that allows us to spend 20 years of usable life in academics, and some to go on to spend their lives in academia. Even those who struggle to pay for school throughout this process, or who sacrifice lifestyle for an education, are still wealthy enough to have that option. There are those who cannot afford to sacrifice lifestyle because they do not have enough to even offer a sacrifice.
            In some sense our society sanctifies formal education. (Certainly some sections of society completely write it off as something pretentious or something. Those who recognize a value within it set it apart as I said, and set scholars apart as somehow more than this world.) Other societies do not value it in the way we do. It is certainly our tradition that teaches us to value education, that is, it is not inherently a man made desire to be educated in the academic sense. The argument is easily made that education in a larger sense, learning new concepts and skills, is both inherently desirable and inevitable insomuch as it is the foundation to any survival skill, but it should be recognized that this does not refer specifically to how we are educated and what education entails in America. (This “egocentric assumption,” that we presume others view situations the way we do, is a problem in the States. It is a way of thinking fundamental to our reputation as arrogant and inconsiderate.)

            Among my peer group, the understanding of this broader sense of education, the true nature of its value to humanity, and especially proper attribution of values to tradition must be developed. Through this development, we may recognize that our lives are necessarily measured by neither education nor anything else that is part of our tradition. If we are conscious of our upbringing, we are free to accept or reject it. We are free to prioritize what will come to be important and fulfilling to us as an individual. I suggest engaging this freedom in such a way that your tradition, what has already been instilled in you, is claimed as your own rather than incidentally shaping you. In this you will find intentionality in your actions as they becomes increasingly your own. Moreover, you may act with fervor in the tradition in which you were raised surrounded by the community with which you may belong. Your identity will be both of a healthy tradition and of your own conclusions.

            I find that I need to assure myself that in order to live my life in such a way that I’m satisfied at the end of the day, that I’m living in a righteous way (a way corresponding to the values instilled in me that I have chosen to maintain, the values I have come to believe to be most worthwhile, and the taking advantage of my talents and exploiting the areas in which I’m willing to have to persevere), education is a valuable pastime. Though it can be difficult, tiring and frustrating, education is important to me. I study, literally, because it passes the time, but also because it gives me goals. It makes me feel good and productive. It prevents my life from stagnating. It gives me unique opportunities. It is a good networking tool. It helps me explore my interests. Furthermore, it has provided me with the closest thing to legitimate religious expression I think I’ve experienced, and in this sense the circularity of academics is outside of the point; the point resides in the process through which whatever faith I’m able to maintain is expressed. (There is, perhaps, far more faith expressed in attempting again and again to prove That Which Cannot Be Proven than there is in accepting It as reality on faith alone. In this, surely faith is synonymous with foolishness, but I hear no one denying that. What is significant in faith is not its strict observance of reason, but rather the reason present in the motivation to wake up in the morning <God as the deification of hope>. I would rather claim faith in Hope and have reason to rise each day than claim utterly reasonable confidence in myself to produce and succeed, finding myself “vain and bitter”* in relation to those around me.)

Sometimes an education is painful—it’s difficult, costly, and at times seemingly unaffecting. [A base but right analogy:] though knowledge sometimes burns going down, at least it makes my belly warm.

*See the poem "Desiderata" by Max Ehrmann.

no time for cameras, we’ll use our eyes instead

St Mary's Cathedral

Radcliffe Camera (on left) and All Souls College

Radcliffe Camera

Sunset over the city
(Bodleian on left, science museum center)

Christ Church chapel from
down the meadow path

New College
(from the Quad)

A bit of the old city wall inside New College*

New College chapel (from the front)** 

The Bell Tower of New College (from the Cloister)

This is apparently where Malfoy was turned into a ferret
(the center of the Cloister, a hall in the back right)

A hall in the Cloister of New College

New College Chapel seen from a window in the Cloister

The original Eagle and Child sign;
it is now hung in the Kilns

C.S. Lewis's grave in the graveyard of the
church he attended

The Kilns in Headington, near Oxford

C.S. Lewis's desk (not the original, a replica)

*There is quite a lot of the old city wall in New College, which is neat. Some of the rooms below the city wall that New College uses were used in the old days when it was the functioning city wall. It's got an interesting feel. (This photo is black and white, it's not that gloomy.)

**There is only candlelight and natural lighting in the chapel, though the candles weren't lit. Flash did not function well given the size of the chapel. This setting does, however, provide for an incredible church experience.

The weather depicted in the Kilns pictures is far more representative than the weather in the other pictures. We took pictures because it was not raining.

I played basketball for New College today.

No big deal, I just play college ball.

It was quite enjoyable. And informal. My team won by about 25 points.

Choral Evensong

By candlelight, we walked into the beautiful chapel of New College unsure of what to expect. A dense silence filled the room in an eager reverence. We were seated as in parliament, accidentally meeting eyes with those seated across the aisle from us each time our gazes descended from the sculpted ceiling high above. I was glancing through the order of service to get an idea of what to expect when the congregation suddenly stood. The choir was entering the chamber. The silence of the room grew heavier as young boys led the young men followed by the elders of the choir.

What followed was an ethereal experience of the majesty of Christian tradition.

The service was conducted with the call and response done between the priest and the choir, Psalm 70 was recited chorally along with the Lord’s Prayer, and in choral breaks, a liturgist read lessons from scripture.

As the choir once again stood to exit, the congregation stood as well, remaining so as those consecrated marched from the room.

Beautiful.

Aesthetics transcend faith.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MVbCskHojyM

This is a random video of the choir of New College in the chapel. My experience was not far off, save for the semi-awkward videography. (If you find the video wanting, attribute whatever was off to the differences implicit in "not far off.")

America, you are my sweetest downfall

Tuesday we, the members of the OPUS program, got a tour of the Union Society. The Union is one of those highly prestigious societies with pictures of the visits of Mother Theresa, Her Majesty the Queen, the Dalai Lama and every other notable world characters hanging on the walls. According to the current students and staff, and apparently British history, the president of the Oxford Union Society (a student) almost unfailingly goes on to do great political things, the Prime Minister usually emerging from this position.

Wednesday we toured the Bodleian Library, which is the single most significant thing to which I've had membership. I had to swear an oath that I wouldn't burn it down; no one is allowed to take books out, not even the king; it has miles and miles of underground storage and some 12 million books with over 1000 books, journals, etc. coming in daily.

I met with my primary tutor.

He established that it's going to be rough. According to him, we will do shockingly poorly after working far harder than we care to. It is no help that we're from the States, with a much different academic system that prepares us not at all for this type of work, i.e., legitimate scholarship. I cannot imagine this will go well or that it will feel good. I'm excited for the experience to be something I have rather than something I'm having...

At least he's Scandinavian (his name is Ilmo van der Lowe, his Finnish accent pronounces it fittingly).

He had a printed out picture on his wall--a picture of a man with a giraffe hat on that said “everybody shut the f*** up… I’m trying to think.”

A witticism that he decided describes him: I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

It's going to be difficult going from daily house parties to actual work. I've never had the opportunity to just hang out in quite the same way the Americans do here in Oxford.

We had a High Table dinner last night. A tuxedo and cocktail dress affair, we marched into the dining hall of St. Catherine's college looking quite distinguished. The students seated at the lesser tables watched in awe and wonder, no doubt, as we took our seats around the table raised an appropriate 15 cm above them. (I'm sure they understood the point: 30 Americans claiming a British position of honour, we are allowing them to glory in our presence.) Our three course dinner was followed by about 20 minutes of toasting, the royal toast followed by those to our advisors, JCR presidents and other individuals. (I might point out, given my last parenthetical comment, that this was setup by OPUS as an invite-only affair; we did not create our own opportunity to be honoured.)

Formalities are odd because we’re all the same people either way. I recognize that it’s to set the occasion apart, but as seen in the etiquette of fine dining it’s almost necessary to choose to be offended by waywardness if you're striving to be entirely proper. While it may have stemmed from some peculiar but practical reason a hundred years ago, it certainly does not have any functional value at this point (though the small fork does work best for salad).

I'll stop for the sake of readability.

And because I have an essay for which I must research.

And because I'm hungry.

Cheerio!

Pagan Angel and a Borrowed Car

I'm not sure what my perspective is on the vanity and self-serving nature of blogs, but it is an encouraged way to catalogue any thoughts, adventures, etc. I may have. Starting at the beginning of my stint at Oxford, I figure that if I do entertain these exhortations I may give wanting post-trip responses such as, "oh, it was fine," or "I'm pretty tired," as a conclusive statement on a transforming-ly long experience. I'm not sure how long after, or even during for that matter, I will maintain this self-glorification. Either way, enjoy.




Tuesday, 4^th January

Some thoughts as I journey forth…

Layover in Philadelphia: Philly accents are great. They make me feel like I’m watching a performer.

Europeans are vain… but pretty: While I strode past my sweatpants-sporting, morbidly obese compatriots into the “Hall of International Arrivals [and consequently departures],” the average beauty score of the crowd moving toward me grew as the language became less frequently English. Is it that Europeans are more attractive than Americans? Or that Americans are less attractive than Europeans?

…certainly the latter, perhaps the former.

My fashion, characterized in part by Minnesotan practicality, is far from the habitat of the school at which I primarily study (Southern California) and equally distant from the habitat into which I now venture (Europe).

We sat in the middle of a British family having an argument in the Philadelphia airport. This was a bit awkward, but certainly entertaining.

The old woman sitting next to me on the flight was quite the talker (though she claimed she doesn't usually talk to the people sitting next to her on planes).

-She's heading to London for a theatre tour--15 plays in 14 days.

-According to the three hours of oral travelogue she was kind enough to share, she's spent her widowed years traveling all over the world. She had interesting stories and advice to offer; she was sure that I would find the English and French girls a particular kind of gorgeous (which has not proven so).

Wednesday, 5^th January

Welcome to Hogwarts: Impressions of the Left Side of the Road

-It seems that the buildings for which Oxford is known combined with the technology into which our world is continually moving creates for a fantastically anachronistic situation. It should be known that cell service is weak in the converted monastic chambers called Oxford classrooms.

-Some ethnicities make accents way cooler... kind of like dancing, sports, and muscles.

The first day spent maneuvering enough goods to live for three months in a foreign country while actually being in that foreign country was difficult: We could not find the bus terminal to get to London; once in Oxford, we could not find the taxi rank to get to Hertford College where we were told that we are not allowed to get housing a day early; at the hostel, we could not find our room because the first floor is indeed the one above ground floor. Alas, we found ourselves exhausted and hungry in a room of six bunks unsure of what we were to do.

As we recalled what we had just been through, we realized this exhaustion and hunger was met with impoverishment and disenfranchisement. We suspect the taxi drivers recognized our ignorance of the city and took us on what shall be called the scenic route to a destination we later realized is a some five-minute walk from where we were. England had taken our spirits along with our money. We call it a night after eating some Dominos Pizza (it was the least expensive dinner we could find), and head back to the room.

Side-story: we had a roommate or two according to the receptionist and the pile of goods on one of the beds, however, we never saw them. We went to bed a bit early--jet lag, y'know--but left a light on for our roommates. I woke up around 5am--same jet lag--and that light was off, but no roommates were in any of the beds and the goods were exactly as the night before. We're still not sure if they existed or just had a "good" night.

Thursday, 6^th January
We finally got our housing. It's a four-story, eight-bedroom townhouse thing. The roommates all get along well. Three of my seven roommates are from APU (Lauren Bugg, Alan Stauffer, and Dan Hildebrand), which was unexpected but good. My room is excellent (something like a full size bed, a sink in a closet, a globe... it's neat).

Friday, 7^th January

We had nine hours of orientation. At the end, my house and one or two others of somewhere between five and seven living areas found out we have free wireless internet and free long distance and in country calls. Everyone else has to pay for those services.

There is going to be a load of walking to and from the city and a load of reading.
-The walking--We live about a 25 minute walk from the city center, a 35 minute walk from my college and a 45 minute walk from where we are tentatively meeting for the APU "faith integration" sessions or whatever. I have already walked many miles and am ambivalent about the idea of getting used to it--I'd rather not have to, but I'm eager for it to not be so painful!
-The reading--Our tutors will give us a reading list that is literally not able to be completed for our next meeting. We must prioritize the readings and seek the appropriate material within each to write a paper on the given topic for that week. I'm eager to give it a shot.

Saturday, 8^th January

-We had lunch at the Eagle and Child. Awesome.

-History Tour--an expert who works for the University spoke with us about some of the history, showed us some sights, and gave us some advice for how to best experience our time in Oxford, England, and abroad in general.

-House Party--Lauren cooked a delicious pasta dinner for about twelve people. We hung out, ate, and got to know each other. Good times.

Sunday, 9^th January
Dan and Lauren and I went to church in one of the many towering cathedrals for which Oxford is known. We attended St. Ebbe's student service. It was very much like a service in the states, save for interesting accents (the lady that led prayers was from Ireland--I like Irish accents). The preacher actually referenced quite a bit of American history such as 9/11 and the JFK shootings.
We got to know some of the people around us and discovered that Dan's dad had gotten to know the guy, Malcolm, sitting next to us. Dan's dad had met Malcolm the previous week after dropping Dan off, and we ended up sitting right next to him at church! We made a lunch date with our first British friend.

Later, we explored New College, where one of my roommates and myself are students. It's pretty awesome. To get there, we walked through the meadows of Christ Church, which was beautiful in a dreary sort of way.
When we were in the city center after visiting New College, one of the street performers was an older man, 50s or 60s, playing the fiddle whilst walking on a tightrope! He would occasionally stop and do yoga positions or silly things when someone was going to take a picture.

Monday, 10^th January
Did the unfortunate task of paying my housing supplement today. I don't enjoy losing large sums of money in one go. However, I also got a pay-as-you-go cell phone for free so I can talk to all of the british friends I make. Maybe.

I met with my advisor where I found out that I did not get my first choice for my major tutorial. I wanted psychology of religion, but instead will be tutored in social psychology. I hope I find I love it. My secondary is still philosophy of religion, which I'm terrified for because it will likely destroy me.

After our advisement, a couple of friends and myself walked through Christ Church College where we discovered the hall they used as the dining hall in the first two Harry Potter films. It was neat.
We also want to find a way into the literally secret garden of Christ Church, onto which Lewis Carroll gazed as he wrote. We incidentally also saw the stained glass windows dedicated to his works that have pictures of the white rabbit, Alice, and other characters from his magnum opus included in the intricate stained glass designs.

A quick word on faith integration. I can't say that I agree with the idea that in non-bible courses there is a necessity to take an intentional time to include God in the work. This suggests that without the faith integration, God would be absent from the class, work, ideas, etc. This is to say that God is somehow not  the full reality of what we're studying. A truer sign of faith than writing a three-page paper each term for a science class would be recognizing the presence of God in every aspect of life. Or more, recognizing that we in our limited reality are but a twinkle in the eye of God. Perhaps, however, APU is more deistic than I would have guessed.


I would think Psychology of Religion would be an important realm of the field given the affect religion has had on societies throughout the history of the world. My intentions were to study religion through a psychological lens in a way not seeking an apology for Christianity or something, but rather what affect the practices actually have on the way people think and behave. I was rather surprised that every psychologist at Oxford refused to tutor on the topic. I plan to push my focus on social psychology into the religious realm, however. I hope I find the disdain in my voice when I speak of the situation diminishing over the course of the term.

I've been addicted to Band of Horses since I've arrived. I'm not sure if that's because there is a concert in London at the beginning of February or simply because it brings me back to the States. Either way, it's a good thing.

When I went to title the entry, I took note of a friend's titling methods and looked for a song title. The song to which I was listening was appropriately titled: Pagan Angel and a Borrowed Car. It may as well have said something like, "Welcome to Europe [Tentatively]." I will undoubtedly change my methods, but it was much too fitting.

Apologies for the length and rambling. Entries will surely mature into more concise reflections and narrations of my time here. Hopefully.

Cheers from the city of dreaming spires!