As Alan and I walked down Temple Bar in Dublin, not impressed by the atmosphere of bar-hopping twentysomethings (most of whom were American), we spotted a man smoking a pipe. He was youngish, looked some type of foreign, and given the context we assumed spoke English. Having seen quite a few men—particularly in Oxford—who make smoking a pipe look like child’s play, we moved to ask him his secret.
My question was responded to with several mumbled English words strung together amidst a thick Italian accent, demonstrating his lack of proficiency. I tried several more times, but quickly gave up and started moving on. He kept us there, insisting that he understand the problem.
Alan explained with clearer, slower English. He involved more gesticulating and simple explanations. (We were now aware of the language barrier.) The man realized our question, and was pleased to be able to share some advice.
“You must… follow the pipe. You must wait. It depends on many things—tobacco, weather… yeah…”
He discussed the superiority of Italian pipes (though he admitted he was smoking an English pipe—he was willing to make a concession on the quality of the English wood).
He was quite clearly Italian, by the way.
Appropriately, he then related the process, the experience, of smoking a pipe to a woman.
“Is… is like a woman. You have a woman? [Gestures to his own wedding band.] I have a woman. You have to work. You have to, you know, follow her. Is like that. It will change everything… but it’s good. Is a partner. Your pipe is a partner. You must wait. Get to know your pipe. Is simple.”
I love this wisdom.
The most complex and challenging things are essentially simple, at least in the response they demand—they require attentive patience and that’s the only option. Even if it doesn't work, it's still the only option.
While this insight might not light your pipe—it might not get you a 2nd date or maintain fidelity—it’s honest.
So, there you go:
Smoking a pipe is simple—
Just like relationships
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